Manzoku and Black Mist

I'll add more along these lines later...But yeah. I suspect it's just the three months since seeing her...But, idk. I think the reason my mind wanders, so to speak, is due to my lack of experiences; that is, I've only gone out with three people ever. By comparison, I dare say that most people, before finding said person they consider they might go further than just a regular relationship, have dated double digit amounts, or at least very close to. Heck, let's scrap the first one for sake of argument, since that only lasted a few weeks and I didn't really know what the hell I was doing. That means, I've only been with 2 females (and, as things stand, it'll probably stay that way). It's a weird situation to be in, as I have so little room for comparison/ have already found said person potentially. Not that there is anything wrong with that; hell, things couldn't really have worked out much better than things have. But nevertheless...I just find myself nitpicking things here and there that could be better, pretty much all of which she has no control over. At the same time, I see certain other females and wish she(being the initial she, not the females mentioned here) had those physical features. And it bothers me that I think that. Every single time. Again, I suspect the problem is that I've only been with two females, and thus haven't sort of had my fill of different relationships. Now, that being said, at the same time I think of the physical features, I realize all the baggage/reasons why I wouldn't necessarily want to, in a theoretical sense, date that person. Plus, I realize the COPIOUS amounts of positives that I've experienced in my current relationship. Intelligent, almost as competitive as I am (and that is saying something), playful, hard-working, pretty hot (I think part of it too is, still, the clothes thing at times. Not that it is a big deal, relatively speaking, of course), emotionally stable, trustworthy, etc. If one weighed the good vs. the "bad" (there isn't really anything bad at all...rather just stuff that would make things "perfect"[again, I don't have the experience to realize that seeking perfection is a really fucking stupid way of going about things]), the good would crush the "bad" into subatomic particles. I think I just need to learn to be satisfied with how good things are, and not worry so much about how things could be better with person X or Y; that being said, it should be noted that "satisfied" does not equal "settling" (in terms of connotation). Also, it's not like I don't feel bad for having these thoughts, particularly when they're unchangeable things (sure, a cup size higher would be cool, but really, is it that big a deal? It sure has hell shouldn't be, vs. everything else). Plus, to look at the reverse, I'm no perfect guy myself for fricks' sake.Meh. I'll probably ask AC about it at some point, as far as if other people have similar thoughts (I suspect they do). Until then....


Also, shells are a frickin' pain in the ass to purchase (I don't want a pound of shells, kthanx).

Sore

The title sort of says it all. Played tennis for the first time since strengthening my arms/wrists. Didn't try anything too fancy, so hard to tell to what degree my strength has increased, but didn't have any wrist soreness afterwards (which, if it continues to not show up, would indicate that the increased muscle mass does help stabilize the wrist, as previously suspected). Otherwise, app stuff and more ER. -fingers crossed for interesting cases / actually shadowing with the docs-

Also, there was a particularly bizarre dream last night....but I can't remember it :/. Alas. Also, need to keep trying that trick from the one EMH episode on dreams (that is, eat chocolate before going to sleep).

Anyways, off to sleep.

Unresolved - What Waits Beyond the Horizon

Perhaps it is just the time of night/morning, but an uneasy feeling persists, as is the case from time to time. Don't really know why....But it is there. Paranoia? Maybe. Just feels like something is coming....Whatever the heck that means, if anything.

These apps need to be done with and senior year...I am both interested and hesitant. If previous cycles are any indication(6th, 9th, 12th), this will be the culmination of everything from these past three years. What that could entail...we'll see.

Is it nervousness? Perhaps. But the feeling, the more one thinks about it, just grows more and more. Perhaps I should distract my mind from this feeling, somehow. Hopefully sleep will cause this feeling to disperse.

Dream On 2.0

To my knowledge, no dream(s) last night. Bummer. Path lab went well (amputated leg...AWESOME). Still, doesn't feel like I've had time to relax, so much as time to attempt to recover for the next shift. Have a primary care shift from 9 until who knows later today, then relaxation time. Going to finish SD/AM(the key problem being what final pieces to put in), begin the initial testing, and, finally, play some Wii(TS3, thy name is a-calling, even if it means your memory card is shot and I must start again[which I wouldn't necessarily mind doing for the...third time, perhaps?]).

Hoping to get some dreams tonight, so going to bed now(to get just under 5 hours of rest) is a good idea. Plus, eating some chocolate (raisins) before bed, which from personal experience and from EMH, seems to help with dreams. Here's hoping for a happy/interesting one...We shall see.

Dream On

Another dull day at the hospital. Meh. Still, better than the previous evening's supply stocking. Still getting over strep. Woot for no meningitis. Path lab in the morning, which I'd be looking forward to more if not for the previous two shifts at the hospital(and then lectures in the evening and then waking up at 7 on Thursday for primary care doc.

In other news, getting restless for school again. Having "off" is all well and good, particularly after the MCATs, but it's getting close to boring; though, with the Wii back in working order, after having not played for over a year, it'll be good to play it again.

Can't remember if it was the night of re-reading the card, or after that, but seem to remember having a dream with said person in it. Meh. It's just...unsatisfying, I guess? I want closure, but it just doesn't seem there. Meh. Someday, hopefully. Unlikely.

Going to try and get back to using this for its original purpose as a dream log, particularly after that one dream a little bit ago, which I cannot mention mainly due to its graphic nature(no, not violence.) and involving a person whom might read this. But I digress. We'll see if I actually keep to that goal.

"It is said that in the final days of planet Earth, everyone had bad dreams."

Still haven't gotten around to thoughts. Procrastination, as usual. Last night was interesting. Read over the card again. It's really just a matter of timing, perhaps. Maybe. Someday I'll thank her because, without a doubt, I wouldn't be the person that I am, or have been in the situations that I have been, if not for her.

Also, particularly weird dream last evening. I remember parts of it, though I'm afraid those bits aren't exactly things to be posting on here. Should be interesting, for lack of better words, to see if they recur.

That's it for now. Going to try not to get strep/sick.

Graceful Revival

Back again, after a long while. I still am not sure why I'm still writing this whole thing, though I suppose just maintaining one's thoughts on "paper" is slightly good enough...Will write more later, but it's too damn hot. Probably going to get some food soon-ish, though still not all that hungry, despite only eating a hoagie and quesadillas at 10 and 1ish, respectively. It's probably also the heat. Should be another quiet(read: dull-ish) evening, though I suppose I shouldn't complain too much. Good to hear from WM in the land of the setting Sun(sun sets in the west....Ok, not as clever as when I first thought it. Again, The Heat). More thoughts later on today/tomorrow, perhaps...Also, the sociopath book(much like I suppose with med students and thinking, oh, I've got this disease or that disease), I'm starting to think I have sociopathic tendencies. Or some mild attachment disorder. Or something. But who knows.